Interviews
by Epiphany On Toast
Summary: What is this? Is it yet ANOTHER of those annoying interviews with the characters? Why, yes, yes it is.
1. Sabrina

**Ok, people! The powers that be have just allowed me to put up a fanfic, so here is my first one! I got a really great idea reading an old magazine… in depth interroga- I mean interviews, with the SG characters! First up, Sabrina!**

**A/N: I (the editor) have sent my underling (let's call him Norman) to get a one on one interview with all the Grimm family and their cohorts. My underling knows about Everafters and everything, so there will be absolutely NO HOLDING BACK! Muahaha! **

**(This is just after the fourth book, - right before the fifth book starts. I will do a part two after all the characters are interviewed.)**

**(Also, all the action will be between the **'s. Norman left a hidden camera in there, so we could see everything that happens to the poor sap! Muahaha!)**

Norman: so, when did you become a detective?

Sabrina: Well, I guess it started right after we came back from New York, although we did help Granny Relda with some cases after we got her and Canis back from the giant.

N: what do you think happened to Jack?

S: seriously? I thought the guy was a goner. Those giants were bloodthirsty, but I may wrong. I would hate it if I was.

N: what was your first case?

S:Well, I think our first actual case was solving what was going on at the school.

N: It wasn't when Relda got kidnapped?

S: Not really. That was more of a rescue mission. We didn't have to figure out where she was. Although, maybe it was, because we had to find out who did it. Hmm…

N: How did you meet Puck?

S: Me and Daphne were running away from Hamstead, who we didn't know was a good guy, and his pixies came helped us escape. Then we followed them, and he tied us up and tried to drown us in a pool.

N: Did he succeed?

S: What'd you think?

N: …um, no?

S: thank you, Captain Obvious. Well, after I pushed him into it, we went back to the house, but the little bugger followed us. He demanded that he become leader and save Granny, but I wasn't gonna let him be in charge. The kid clearly hadn't taken a bath in forever. So after we got Granny back, she let him move in. Typical.

N: how would you describe him?

S:*counting off on her fingers* let's see… He's annoying… and stinky… and mean-spirited…

N: *ahem*

S: *startled*oh, sorry. Anyway, he plays pranks and teases constantly. Most of it is aimed at me. Sometimes it stops though. There are times when he's unexpectedly understanding, almost… sweet. It doesn't last long, but when it happens…

*she stares at the floor, blushing*

N: How do you feel at those times?

S: *blushing and yet menacing* what are you, a therapist? Are you still talking about this?

N: *hurriedly changing the subject* uh… what's the best part of living with your grandmother?

S: Obviously _not_ her food. No offense, but her cooking could kill someone. Anyone _normal_, at least. I would have to say… that it's probably the fact that there's the same bed to go to every night, and someone to keep a roof over our heads. It's more than we ever got in the foster care system.

N: do you think your parents will wake up?

S: I have to. If I give up, I don't know what would happen to Daphne. It would destroy her. And me.

N: what do you plan to do if and when they wake up?

S: I don't completely know, but I used to want them to take us back home, away from this goshforsaken town and all the insane people in it.

N: Even your grandmother? Even Puck?

S: what?

N: Won't you miss him?

S: *almost falling out of her chair* What? Why in the name of _flying_ _Frisbees_ would I MISS HIM? The kid hasn't brushed his teeth since the civil war! The only time I got a break from his pranks was when he was in a _coma_! There is no way on this _earth_ I would miss HIM.

N: But don't you love him?

S: WHAAAAT? *really did fall out of her chair* NO!

N: that's not what my files say.

S: well, THEN YOUR FILES ARE WRONG! I don't love him in any way, shape, or form!

*there are no words to describe how hard she is blushing. Seriously*

S: ya know, I think this interview is over. *gets off floor*

N: wait! I still have more questions!

S: *almost out the door now* Have a nice life, loser.

*end transmission*


	2. AN sorry for the extreme delay

**AN: okay, guys, i have found my flashdrive, so the next few chapters will be coming soon, in a day at the most!**


	3. Daphne

**Next up: Daphne! I bet you thought it was Puck, didn't ya? Well, Daphne was slightly easier than him, so I had poor Norman interview her first. **

**And sorry it's been a while on this, I had other stuff going on and just found it on my laptop, hidden in my many files. **

*fuzzy background noise as Norman pulls out the recorder and turns it on*

Daphne: Hi! So your name is Norbert, right? Like the dragon in Harry Potter?

Norman: Uhhh, no. It's Norman.

Daphne: I'm Daphne.

Norman: uhhh, yes, I'm aware of that. So, um, when did you become a detective?

D: I think it started when we got Granny back and solved the case of Little Boy Blue's missing horn. Why is it called a horn? It looked more like a trumpet. Don't horns go on your head?

N: uuuhh… so what's your favorite part about living at your grandmother's house?

D: I love her cooking. It's so fun! She made me purple pancakes on New Year's. I love her camel hump soup. Sabrina doesn't like it for some reason. She's just weird. I also like the big backyard. And Elvis. And my clothes. And-

N: -so what do you think about Puck?

D: … well, it's obvious that he and Sabrina were made for each other. I mean, he doesn't even prank me that much. Most of it is aimed at Sabrina, and you know that guys tease the girls they like. It's mucho easy-o to figure out. And even though he says he's a villain, I know that he's a good guy. He's saved us more than I can count.

N: how are you doing with Sabrina? Are you getting along?

D: she was a complete jerkazoid in New York, but she still decided to become a detective, so she's back on my good side. At least for now. I just hate it when she treats me like a baby though. I'm seven and two months, for Cheese's sake!

N: cheese? Never mind…. Uh, what do you plan on doing when your parents wake up?

D: I don't know… Sabrina wants to leave when they wake up, but I think we should stay here. Everyone needs us here.

N: what do you think your next case will be?

D: I don't have a clue what the next case is.

*voice from outside*: that's the point! It is a MYSTERY, after all!

N: uuuhh, I think that's all of my questions-

D: wait! Can I play with your recorder thingy?

N: what? No, uh, this is company proper-

*end of recording*


	4. Puck

**Muahaha! Let's see if Norman can live through THIS one! **

**Yep, you guessed it; the next one up is Puck, the amazingly awesome Trickster King! (He gave me ten bucks to introduce him that way.) ;]**

**Mustardseed says hi… from my closet... **

**EDIT: This is still really old, guys. Forgive me. **

Norman: so, uh, what do you-?

Puck: First off, peasant, you will refer to me only as Supreme High King. Second off-

*Sabrina's voice from outside the room*: Hey dogbreath! I know that reporter's a loser, but leave off already! Only beat him up if he really annoys you. I almost broke his legs off, so he's already scared enough!

P: you annoyed her that bad? *looking eager* What did you do? What'd you say?

N: I, uh, asked her if, uh, she would miss you…. *trails off illegibly*

P: *blushing ever so slightly* huh? What did she say?

N: sorry, that's confidential.

P: listen buster, you're gonna tell me exactly what happened, or you're gonna get a bellyful of steel.

N: *gets out the tape and plays it on a different recorder. Sabrina's muffled voice goes on for a bit, and everyone can hear her shouting*

*Sabrina's recorded voice*: WHAT? Why in the name of _flying__Frisbees_ would I miss him? He's the bane of my existence! There have been about four days in my life when I was free from his pranks, and that was when he was in a _coma_! If I stayed here-

*Norman's recorded voice*: but don't you love him?

P: *freezes in his chair, and slowly turns his head to look at Norman* why in the name of all that is gross and smelly did you say THAT?

*the recorded voices keep playing*

*Sabrina's recorded voice*: WHAAAAAAT? Wha- how- who- wh- what the HECK are you saying? No! No way on this _earth_! I do NOT!

*Norman's recorded voice*: that's not what my files say.

*Sabrina's recorded voice*: WELL THEN YOUR FILES ARE WRONG! I am in NO WAY in love with him!

P: *listening quietly to the last few comments*

P: …who gave you those files?

N: …uh, ya know, I think it's time to be over with this-

P: *yelling* HEY GRIMM! This guy is really getting on my nerves! Can I pants him or what?

*Sabrina's muffled voice through the door*: wha'd he do?

P: come in here and see for yourself!

*the door opens, and Sabrina walks in the room. Her voice can be heard from the recorder playing from the beginning. (it had restarted)*

*recorded voice*: - I'm not exaggerating, but there are times, other than that, when he can be understanding, even…sweet. But that never lasts long. Usually it's over in fifteen minutes-

*both her and Puck are bright red, and she grabs the recorder from the table and chucks it out the window.*

S: you PLAYED THE RECORDING? DO YOU _WANT_ TO DIE?

N: but he told me to!

*she glares at Puck for a second, but then turns back to Norman*

S: ya know, I think this interview is over. *she turns to Puck. He flinches.*

S: have fun. *she walks out of the room*

*Puck cracks his knuckles and grins*

N: uhhh, can't we work this out? I mean-

*end of recording*


End file.
